my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
