we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
