Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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