Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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