oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
