He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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