I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
