finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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