I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
