Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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