Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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