I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
is this the sara with the beer cane?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
