dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
