I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize