Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
