Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
