I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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