Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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