ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
