dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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