I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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