So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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