im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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