Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Vodka?
Forever.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
