i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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