Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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