I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
