I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
