I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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