Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm just crazy horny about you
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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