Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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