Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
