So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
