I want to have your abortion
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
