And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize