No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
