why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
