I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize