You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
