How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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