I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
