if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
