I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
