It's like God shit irony all over that family
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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