I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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