saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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