I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
