i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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