I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
