do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
