My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize