I love black thongs
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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