Quick, to the slutcave!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
