Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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