I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
