I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
