i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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