I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I currently don't understand fingers.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
