We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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