he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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