The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
