I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
