if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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