Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
