she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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