Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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