my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
