Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
