You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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